What I think about when I think about swimming

I did another 30 lengths in the pool today. It's getting easier, I could probably have done a few more to be honest. I even look the part now, with a new swimsuit and goggles. What I like most about swimming is that I zone out. I just get into the rhythm and go with it.

I re-read Murakami's memoir "What I think about when I think about running" today. That book really speaks to me, I completely identify with the things he says. For example:

"The thing is, I'm not much for team sports, that's just the way I am....don't misunderstand me
- I'm not totally uncompetitive. It's just that for some reason I never cared all that much
whether I beat others or lost to them...I'm much more interested in the goals that I set
for myself."

"I'm the kind of person who likes to be by himself. To put a finer point on it, I'm the type of
person who doesn't find it painful to be alone....I've had this tendency ever since I was young,
when, given a choice, I much preferred reading books on my own or concentrating on listening
to music over being with someone else. I could always think of things to do by myself."

I think I've lost sight of myself. I've changed so much in the last 7 years since I moved to London. I've gone from introvert to extrovert, passive-aggressive to ranty, always worried about what other people think of me to not giving a rat's arse. But every so often I get exhausted by being so "up". And then I get really down.

What would make me really happy? A stack of books, a window seat, and someone to love. I've got the first two. And I'm working on the third.