Resolutions

1. I will shop at Aldis for staple food, and Waitrose for treats only.
2. I will stay off alcohol in January (apart from the Burns night ceilidh.)
3. I will go to the gym 3 times every week, minimum.
4. I will work on my pokerface (my my my pokerface, my my pokerface...)

Lots going on at the turn of this year. I am going for lunch at one of Marco Pierre White's restuarants tomorrow, then heading down to a cottage in Kent for a few days. Then it's Soozle's wedding on Sunday. I bought a new navy dress, sequined jacket and snakeskin and suede shoes. I have also got myself a hotel room so that I can stay over after the wedding.

I am very at peace with my decision to stop looking for a boyfriend. Somehow the pressure is off. I will be spending the next few days in timberland boots and a fleece. Sexy.

Blessings

Count your garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours, don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.

It's been a funny old day. I've cried quite a lot, over various things that basically boil down to me feeling inadequate. And that's just no good. I understand why - I'm ill, because I'm run down, because I run about all over the place meeting people and doing things. I have packed my case to go home tomorrow, and I've never wanted to see my family more.

But I am very blessed, because I am healthy, and I've improved my health and fitness a lot in the past 7 months. And I have a lot of lovely friends, who are kind and funny and cheer me up when I am down. And I have a good job, and a lot of fun with my colleagues.

I think 2010 is going to bring a lot of changes. I am looking for a new job, and if I get the one I've applied for, I might even be able to afford my own place. I'm also going to stop actively looking for a boyfriend, I think the universe is has been trying to tell me for a while now that I'm better off on my own.

Not well

I have been in bed for 17 hours. My body aches, as does my head, and my throat is sore. I don't have a temperature, which apparently rules out swine flu, but I think the chances of me making it to the hen night tonight are slim, which I'm really sad about.

My hair is greasy, but I can't summon up the strength to have a bath. I also have no appetite.

I have never made a good patient, I always feel very sorry for myself, particularly about the fact that there is no-one to look after me. I'm due to go home on Monday, so assuming I can make it onto the train, I'll be demanding a lot of tlc from my dear mum.

The problem with wearing your heart on your sleeve

is that it's easily bruised. T has been a bit of a shit, and now I feel like a dickhead. We didn't see each other at work on Friday, but I sent him a quick email, giving him my number and suggesting he call me at the weekend. I then got a text on Sunday night suggesting we go for coffee this week. Not exactly the response I was looking for. I can't believe that after he has flirted so much, he's now giving me the cold shoulder.

It's the office Christmas party tomorrow night. I will be wearing a short turquoise blue dress and very high platform shoes. I will knock his eye out, the rotter.

I think I must come across as too keen when I like someone.

Anyway, I have thrown myself back into exercise - went to the gym yesterday afternoon and tonight after work. 3 parties for the next three nights, plus Soozle's hen night on Saturday. Bring it on!

Well whaddya know...

Turns out my mentee was right, T and I are a couple......

I arrived at the pub after my haircut and highlights, and it was a right laugh. T was full of compliments as usual, telling me that I was looking very glamorous. There were lots of people there, and lots of funny chat. Anyhow, it got late, and T and I were stuck talking to a random guy that neither of us knew, who insisted on coming with us to the tube. I managed to whisper to T "How can we get rid of this guy" which I guess was a fairly big hint that I wanted it to be just him and I. I hadn't had any dinner, so T insisted that he should make some tea and toast. We got some bread from the shop and walked to T's flat. And he was in the middle of buttering the toast, and he just leant over and kissed me. And then we went up to his room to have our supper. I stayed over, although nothing (much) happened. Which is good. He is so great - tall, and strong, and softly-spoken, and kind.

So we'll see what happens.

Cooler than the red dress

So today I wore my slinky red dress to work, and as an afterthought I put a £1.50 primark scarf round my neck. Well! I got more comments about the scarf than anything. But I always think it's better to look good and therefore feel good. Perhaps I'd better stop eating monster munch crisps. I DO NOT want to put the weight back on.

Tomorrow is my haircut and mentee's leaving do. She's invited T and I (I think she thinks we're a couple.) It's all awkward as arse.

Right or wrong

I always do the right thing. I weigh up all the pros and cons, and worry what everyone else thinks, and then I do the right thing, the safe thing, the easy thing.

Right now, I feel like doing the wrong thing. Where's the harm in that?

All these things happened today

-I slept in for work.
-M made me cry with laughter at an email he'd sent.
- I anointed myself Elf-In-Chief for the Secret Santa draw
-I flirted massively with the new marketing guy. (He's gorgeous)
-I got stopped by a random man in the street. He said "Excuse me" and I stopped because I thought he needed directions, but then he asked where I was going and when I said "why" he said I was very attractive. I burst out laughing and walked away but was secretly chuffed.
- I had Dim Sum.
- The waiter accidentally spilt a drink down my back.
- I got £10 deducted from the bill.
- I had more drinks in the National Film Theatre Bar.

Not a bad Friday as they go.

It's beginning to feel a lot like...

CHRISTMAS!!! YEY!!

I went iceskating at Somerset House tonight. No broken bones or egos, always a bonus. I was so knackered afterwards that I didn't make it to the pub quiz (I actually fell asleep on the bus home.) Now of course I'm wide awake. I have spent the evening Chrimbo shopping on tinternet. (Does buying underwear for myself on Figleaves count?) I also bought Soozle's wedding present - a very snazzy kettle.

Another busy weekend beckons - Dim Sum at Ping Pong tomorrow night, then pilates (of course) on Saturday, and then I'm babysitting little G on Saturday night. She is an absolute darling girl, never happier than when trying on high heels and lipgloss. I'm going to miss her (and her mum) when they move to Italy.

Project "Get a boyfriend" is not going at all well. 5 dates, one of which was a no-show, 3 of whom were dullards, and 1 of whom was great but stopped texting. My membership of the site runs out next week and I won't be renewing. Honest to God, I had much more luck with men when I was a fatty. There is no justice in the world.

Bad memory

I have a really bad memory. I forget events and conversations, especially when I've been drinking. So tonight I was at a work event, and I had to have dinner with some randoms. And I am quite good at making smalltalk. I can chat shit with the best of them. But it turns out that I'd met one of them before, at a meeting I'd chaired about 8 months ago. I had forgotten. He had not. He said that he'd been really impressed by how incisive I'd been about the issues. That is the nicest thing. I do not regard myself as incisive. But I'm sure as hell telling my new boss that's what a "key stakeholder" said about me. Hell yeah.

I'm going iceskating with my team tomorrow. As for the pub quiz, I figure I'll probably rock up to the pub and hang out with T, and have a laugh, whereupon nothing will happen. And that's just fine with me.

John Simmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I really fancy John Simm. I saw him in a play tonight, which was ace. Also, rather excitingly, I was sitting 2 seats away from John Sessions in the audience. (Who is an obscure Scottish actor/comedian.)

I fancy lots of Scots actors - including - Peter Capaldi, Joe McFadden, David Tennant (obviously) Robert Carlyle, and Gerard Butler (gorgeous). There's nothing better than a gruff Scottish accent and a look in the eye which suggests devilment is more than a possibility, it's guaranteed. I'm going home on the 21st December, booked my ticket today - Bring on the boys!!!

I bought T a really tacky keyring to make him laugh over the key debacle. It was a hideous plastic doll with a union jack and fluffy red hair. He put it on his belt in the office bless him. He wandered over to my desk and we had a good old chat and I didn't even get flustered. He told me that he's organising a pub quiz on Thursday and I made him tell me some of the questions (and answers.) Now the question is, should I rock up at the pub? The thing is, I really like hanging out with him and we have a laugh together, and he's really chilled out. But I don't think I fancy him. I just think he'd be a really good mate. Bugger.