Chilli frenzy

I was food shopping in Waitrose today and I got this inexplicable urge for chilli. So I bought some chillis, some chilli sauce and some chilli-flavoured Ryvita snacks (crisps substitute). Weird. So I'll be eating chilli-flavoured food for the foreseeable future.

I did 30 lengths at the pool. I am REALLY proud of myself -that's the most I've ever swum in one session. I even took to thinking about my breathing and swimming style. I think the next step will be to buy a swimming costume. Don't get me wrong, I don't swim naked, I wear a bikini. Once I get paid I'll buy a swanky Speedo one and a pair of goggles.

Talking of nakedness, I get astounded by how some women wander around the gym changing room starkers. There was a girl just in a bra and thong drying her hair this afternoon, and another one completely naked standing in the middle of the room slowly drying herself. Don't get me wrong, I expect a certain amount of nakedness in the changing room, but my approach is to minimise that by getting dressed as soon as is practically possible. Not to parade around showing my bikini wax to all and sundry. Takes all sorts I suppose.

I went to a Brazilian restaurant last night, which was completely brilliant. There was a live band, drumming and capoeria. We were dancing on the benches! I'll definitely be back. I kissed a boy, which was really fun. We had a good ol' snog for ages. Yum.

Bye lovely lovely boss

It was my lovely lovely boss' leaving do last night. We got her some lovely presents and told some outrageous anecdotes for her leaving speech. Loads of people came, both past and present team members. She is so great all the time, but especially when she's drunk!!! I will really miss her, and told her so, several times.

There is a guy, T, who is not in my team but always seems to be there or thereabouts when we have a night out. He came over to talk to me last night just after I'd been told that I had lipstick on my teeth and I was ranting (as I do) about people not telling you about such things and out of nowhere he said "You look gorgeous." I was flummoxed and decided to keep talking just as if he hadn't said anything. That was the boldest thing he's ever said to me, as he's quite shy (but actually quite sweet.) So watch this space.

In other man-related news, not only did RW phone me out of the blue this week, but another ex, P, sent me an email. I still have immense guilt over this man as I said one of the worst things you can ever say to a man, at one of the worst times you can say it. He was so crushed I felt like the biggest bitch on earth. We limped on for a few weeks but I just felt so guilty all the time that it couldn't have lasted. I haven't replied to his email, as I think that no good can come of us being in touch again.

Being stood up this week was truly awful (although maybe it's karma for being rude to P) but I'm trying to stay positive. I've got a date on Wednesday with an Irishman, and I've also sent an email to a supercute guy I saw on the site this morning. So we'll see.

Stranded at the drive-in..branded a fool

I got stood up by Jez. I waited 20 minutes, realised he wasn't coming, then left. It's hard at times like this not to give up completely. I've sent him a text which says - "That's bad manners. A simple text to say you couldn't make it would have sufficed." He hasn't replied.

Whywhywhywhywhy are some men such arseholes?

Idiot behaviour

I was at 2 parties last night - one was in Clapham and one was in Angel. And I drank a fair bit throughout the night, leaving Angel at just before midnight. And I got home at 2.00, because I got on the wrong bus, twice, and ended up in the wrong part of South London. I ended up getting a cab because I was so lost. That's just flipping stupid behaviour. I also have a cut on my hand and a bruise on my leg, so I surmise that I fell over at some point. What an idiot.

I am meeting Jez from the dating website on Wednesday. I think he's a lawyer, and his emails are pretty funny. So we'll see. I MUST NOT GET DRUNK.

My ex-boyfriend RW rang me today to ask if I would help him with his CV. I reckon he's seen from Facebook that I've lost weight. But there's no way I'm getting back with him. He managed to annoy me within about 5 minutes of being on the phone.

Pokerface

One of my "development areas" (which means weaknesses) at work is that I am too easy to read and I need to develop a pokerface. I think that's a criticism of my personality more than anything, but that's another post.

Anyway, the point is, I spectacularly failed to display a poker face when I went on a work social tonight to the theatre. Now, I like the theatre. I really enjoy going to see plays. Unfortunately what we went to see tonight was "avant-garde theatre" - which I now understand means theatre with no theme, characterisation, understandable dialogue or point. So I walked out. I walked out and left my colleagues in there because I thought it was pretentious bollocks masquerading as art. Someone with a pokerface would have stayed and said "Oh I thought they needed to develop the deconstructive elements more." I just fucking bailed because it was shit. And what annoys me is that tomorrow they'll all poke fun at me. But essentially it's the emperors new clothes. And it was so awful I couldn't bear it. I actually cried with anger on the bus home. There are so many fantastic plays and ideas and actors out there. And I paid £22 for a pile of wank.

Sorted

I have just sorted out my finances. So in addition to my cash ISA for the short term and my pension for the long term I now have a stocks and shares ISA for the medium term. I also have a monthly budget for my disposable income (after food and travel costs), which is £950 per month. I get to spend this on going out, clothes and shoes, toiletries, books and magazines, haircuts, contact lenses plus other people's birthdays etc. That is a lot of money. It's actually more than my first proper monthly salary after tax (in 2000), which was about £900. That's mental.

I do appreciate that I am fortunate to earn a good salary, given that around a third of households in the UK have an annual income of around £16000. I certainly never expected to be earning the amount that I do at my age, and it was never what motivated me. What it has done is enabled me to help out my family, which I am really happy about.

X Factor dramarama

I bloody love X factor. This year's live rounds started last night. I had the girls round for a "winter warmer" - casserole, real baked potatoes and wine (of course). It was a blinder of a show - I particularly loved Olly, Stacey and Joe.

I have had a few nice messages from the men on the dating site, so that's really good.
I went for a swim this afternoon -20 lengths. I want to get back into the gym and lose the few remaining pounds.

I got into a new singer today - her song was on in a shop and I asked who it was. She's called Sarah Blasko and she's Australian. I think she's ace - what do you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YnX3zbk6ss

Food glorious food

Brighter day today (thank goodness and thanks for the kind comments). I went to the "skinny jeans workout" at the gym, which involved a lot of lunges. But it was enjoyable nonetheless.

I've also signed up to an online dating site, and hopefully not made myself sound too much of a lunatic. So we'll see what happens.

It's my lovely lovely boss's last day at work tomorrow. I've got a card and I need to think of something fantastic to write in it. I was thinking of a poem but that's probably too poncey.

I'm having a mexian standoff with my crazy horse flatmate over emptying the bin. He takes absolutely no responsibility for living here and I've finally flipped. I sort out all the bills, read the meter, buy the washing up liquid and do the mopping and hoovering. And he does NOTHING. He barely even makes the effort to speak to me unless I make all the running in the conversation. And clearly I haven't got the patience for quiet people, they need to make a flipping effort.

Just breathe

I am really really low today. Something I work on that I am very passionate about has been seriously threatened. Added to that, my face and neck are covered in spots, I've put on 4lbs since New York and I am feeling so hungry all the time that I've been eating crisps like they're about to stop growing potatoes.

It's times like this that I want to crawl into my bed and not get out for a few days. And there have been times in the past when I've done just that. And there was a point today when I left my desk, went outside and cried.

But I know that retreating is not the answer, and I've got to face things head on. So I will pack my gym gear and do some exercise tomorrow, be more careful about what I eat, and get a good night's sleep.

Spend spend spend

It's been a while since I posted on here - no particular reason, just had bits and pieces going on. The work event was an absolute triumph and I got huge praise, (the word used was "stellar") but actually it was the fact that the kids loved it so that made me the happiest.

New York was better than I could have imagined. BARACK OBAMA was staying at our hotel. It was completely insane. I hadn't realised that all the world leaders would be at the United Nations. It was amazing. My parents had a ball, they said it was the best holiday they'd ever had, which was so lovely.

I spent a shedload of money in New York, and I spent a shedload more today. But it's my money, I earned it and I can spend it how I like. I bought (deep breath)

A brown tweed DKNY winter coat
Green leather gloves
A black and green trenchcoat
A green scarf
A green handbag and matching purse
A navy blue shirt dress
A black shirt with a ruffle front
Marc Jacobs Lola perfume (actually my mum bought that for me)
Calvin Klein knickers
Make-up from Sephora
Work-out clothes for the gym

And today I bought
the NICEST irregular choice shoes ever (I'll add a photo if I can figure out how)
A blue silk dress
A red Roland Mouret-esque dress
A new suit for work (grey with pink pin-stripe)
A fuschia silk top.

And I still need to buy winter boots....