6 impossible things before breakfast

So today I was asked to do 3 improbable and incredibly stupid things. I cannot keep a straight face when faced with such madness. I rant, I rave, I laugh, loudly, about the inbecility of the questioner. That is not a successful strategy. Neither is remaining stony-faced when asked to wax lyrical about something I think is a piece of crap.

So my best strategy is devising an exit strategy, and fast.

I went out with a work colleague, M, for 2 glasses of wine after work. I do not fancy him, and I don't think he fancies me either, which is great, as I just enjoy having a giggle with him, talking crap and moaning about work. The best thing about him is that when he sent me an email setting out how he was going to chase someone on a request, I replied saying "I assume you mean in a Benny Hill style chase" and we then spent the whole day emailing increasingly funny scenarios of how that might pan out. And making one another splutter at our screens, although we sit about 3 feet apart. Boys are funnier than girls. Fact.

At the mercy of oestrogen.

I am not in charge of my life. My hormones are in charge of me. It's like an alien comes and sits on my shoulder and whispers poison in my ear. And I can't rationalise it. When I feel really low I can't accept that that isn't exactly how I deserve to feel.

I used to take the pill, primarily because I had terrible acne. And I had real lows - lows where you can't get out of bed, and are downright nasty to people you love. But now I know that wasn't me. I stopped taking it about 2 years ago and have been pretty much a different person. I still get spots, but quite frankly I'd rather have bad skin than a bad attitude.

But I still get sad, but whereas I used to inflict that on others, I just turn it on myself. But that's just as destructive.

Something's gotta give

I'm so bored. The last time I was this bored I changed cities.

Take That rock

I've just finished watching the Children in Need concert. Take That rocked the casbah, duetting with Lily Allen and Paul McCartney. Cheryl Cole also duetted with Snow Patrol, and was amazingly good. I really want to learn the dance she does to "Fight for this love" although I don't want to wear the harem pants....

I went to pilates this evening, and Paul said I am VERY GOOD. This makes me feel very smug. If I can get a waistline like his I'll be happy (it's like a 12 year old girl's......)

Minor pitstop

At the weekend I seriously contemplated phoning in sick to work for the week. I got over that slump, but I have decided to take tomorrow off as flexi/mental health day.

I used to love my job so much, but a few things have happened recently which make it much less exciting. I feel a bit like someone who's pushed a big stone to the top of a big hill and is now asking "Why the bloody hell did I do that?"

I'm going to push on through to Christmas and then re-evaluate. Out of everything I did today, the thing I most enjoyed was asking awkward questions of senior people on disability discrimination. I'm a bit worried that I might want to become a social worker. And everyone knows how annoying they are.

Too subtle

Ok, here's the thing. All of my female friends, or at least, those whose opinion really matters to me, tell me that I am too judgemental, too picky, too hasty, with men. And I can see where they're coming from, but I honestly think that there is not one boy I've been out with and broken up with that they would have been happy to see me with in the long term.

So they'll probably give me shit for writing off L, who I met for a drink tonight. But here are my reasons:

1. I did not find him attractive.
2. He did not say anything even mildly amusing in the 2 hours I spent with him tonight.

If that means I'm too picky then quite frankly I'm happy to die along and by gnawed by alsatians.
But I must be too nice as L has already texted me and invited me out again. What part of me making excuses to go home at 9.45 did he not understand?

Exercise is the answer

I dragged my sorry self to the gym yesterday and did 20 lengths, in the medium lane. Yes, I'm too swift for the slow lane anymore, oh yes! So I felt lots better after that. I also went swimming after work tonight, then cooked myself a lovely low fat curry with butternut squash brown rice. Yumster.

Boy update - Jay did finally reply to my text message, reiterating he's really busy at work but will call me later in the week. I'm not holding my breath. However, I do have another date with a different boy (L) tomorrow night, so I'm going to vamp it up in my very high boots and my very tight red dress. Well no point busting my ass at the gym if I can't show it off now and again.

I've been very surprised by the news that Belle De Jour is a woman and was actually a call girl. I was convinced it was written by a man, or at least by a woman writer with a very active imagination. Just goes to show, it is possible to be confounded in this cynical old world.