Ohhhh maaaaan. I am so fed up of being the same weight. I have been trying sooo hard - not eating in between meals, not eating bread, or anything with fat in it. I haven't had a drink since Saturday, and even then I only had 3 glasses of wine. I've been exercising every day as well. And I'm not shifting an ounce. It's quite depressing. I have no idea what else to do.
Today I had branflakes with fruit and skimmed milk for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch and spaghetti bolognaise for dinner. I think that's really healthy. Maybe I could cut out wheat - just having fruit for breakfast, and salad with whatever protein I'm having for dinner. Sort of Atkins-y. Right, I'll try 2 days of that and see where I end up on Friday morning. Probably crying for a piece of toast. But hey look how good Jessie Wallace looks after losing 2 stone:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1197917/From-butch-Barbara-Cartland-svelte-starlet-How-Jessie-Wallace-shed-stone-weeks.html
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Monday, 6 July 2009
Rainbow
I've been listening to Heat FM on digital radio (oh the shame). I like to think I'm listening ironically. But that's bollocks, I just enjoy cheesy music. Anyway, they keep playing "Baby I love your way" which was a reasonably big hit for a group called Big Mountain in the 90s. When listening to it I suddenly realised that the singer sounds like George from Rainbow. If I was better at t'internet I'd be able to post a sound clip. But I'm not, so you'll just have to take my word for it. And here is a lovely picture of George, who in many ways was the original Lady Gaga.
I did 40 minutes of my new dance dvd tonight (in addition to having done 40 minutes last night.) Only 7 days to go until Kefalonia so I'm going hell for leather to lose a bit more weight. It's just not coming off fast enough, even though I am eating superhealthily - lots of fruit and veg and salad, no bread, very little fat. I'm not sure what more I can do, short of lopping off a limb.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Mental accounting
So I spent £88 on some fancy luggage from John Lewis. I also bought my weekly shop at Waitrose. All I need now is a mortgage and I'm officially middle-class.
Apparently in savings theory there's something called "mental accounting." It means that we segregate expenditure in our heads; allowing us to save up for something whilst running up credit for something else. I do that a bit, but I'm also a bit "mental" about worrying about spending money on certain things whilst happily splurging on other things. So I don't worry at all about buying shoes, books, dresses and make-up, but I struggle to buy perfume (I think it's overpriced) or pay for massages or manicures (an extravagance). Similarly I don't own any expensive jewellery. The most expensive piece of jewellery I own is a mirrored plastic cinderella coach and horses by Tatty Devine that everyone I know thinks is tacky. I don't mind that it's tacky, it makes me smile.
Saturday, 4 July 2009
Cooking by numbers
I went to a cooking lesson this afternoon, where I made salmon and haddock fishcake, thai green chicken curry, and raspberry cheesecake. I say made, but I should really say assembled, because all of the ingredients were sitting in little cases, ready for me to pat together as instructed. I was really disappointed, as I wanted to grind the spices together for my curry. Also I asked how they made the "cheese" bit of the cheesecake and it turned out to be from double cream and marscapone so I ended up giving it to M as I thought it would be too fattening. Also I fucked up the curry by adding the sauce when I should have put it in a separate pot. So all in all I paid £20 for 2 fishcakes I could have bought in Marks and Spencer for £1.50. But I had a really fun afternoon with M and L from work, we gossiped all afternoon about boys.
Tomorrow I'm going to get organised for my holiday by buying a suitcase and toiletries, and also by gutting my wardrobe and throwing out things I will never wear. I still have the numb feeling, I don't like it very much. I feel like I'm observing the world from behind a pane of glass.
Tomorrow I'm going to get organised for my holiday by buying a suitcase and toiletries, and also by gutting my wardrobe and throwing out things I will never wear. I still have the numb feeling, I don't like it very much. I feel like I'm observing the world from behind a pane of glass.
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
Too shy - hush hush
I love this song. Such bad hair!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P6I4pT_tVA
Anyway, what made me think about it was the fact that I was struck dumb by seeing the lawyer at lunchtime today. He was having lunch with a bunch of his colleagues, as was I. I've fancied him since October and done sod all about it. I'm worried he'll think I'm a loooooser. One constructive thing I managed to do today was check out his hand - no wedding ring! So that's a bonus. It's not even as though he's stunning or anything - slightly balding, wears glasses, but of a stammer. What a hunk huh! But he was so smart and so lovely to me when we had to work together last year, and he gave excellent feedback on me to my boss. One of these days I will grow a pair and ask him out for a drink.
I also fancy a few "unconventionally attractive" famous men - Eddie Izzard, Alan Rickman, Henry from Ugly Betty, Ben Stiller and Jon Richardson. I've only met the last one and I refused to shake his hand because I'd just washed my hands and they were still a bit wet. He then asked me if my hands were wet because they were covered in piss. Obviously they weren't but I was highly embarrassed. I think on reflection Mr Richardson should come off the list...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P6I4pT_tVA
Anyway, what made me think about it was the fact that I was struck dumb by seeing the lawyer at lunchtime today. He was having lunch with a bunch of his colleagues, as was I. I've fancied him since October and done sod all about it. I'm worried he'll think I'm a loooooser. One constructive thing I managed to do today was check out his hand - no wedding ring! So that's a bonus. It's not even as though he's stunning or anything - slightly balding, wears glasses, but of a stammer. What a hunk huh! But he was so smart and so lovely to me when we had to work together last year, and he gave excellent feedback on me to my boss. One of these days I will grow a pair and ask him out for a drink.
I also fancy a few "unconventionally attractive" famous men - Eddie Izzard, Alan Rickman, Henry from Ugly Betty, Ben Stiller and Jon Richardson. I've only met the last one and I refused to shake his hand because I'd just washed my hands and they were still a bit wet. He then asked me if my hands were wet because they were covered in piss. Obviously they weren't but I was highly embarrassed. I think on reflection Mr Richardson should come off the list...
Distorted vision
There are several reasons why I don't consider myself to be a fully functioning adult:
- I never have stamps or tissues when I need them.
- I own more tshirts with silly pictures on them than the average 5 year old
- I get ridiculously scared when I watch scary movies on tv and have to check all the cupboards in case someone is hiding in them.
Also I always run out of contact lenses at inappropriate times. I'm currently reduced to one left lens, so I'm mostly wearing glasses, which is helpful when it's 33 degrees and you need to wear sunglasses. But I am suffering from myopia in more ways than one. I feel fatter than ever, which is patently not true. I guess I'm spending so much time thinking about it, I'm losing perspective. I've set myself a mini-goal - to lose 3 lbs in the next 2 weeks (before going on holiday). But I also need to remember to be kind to myself. I realised I was sliding into the realms of madness yesterday when I was chewing then spitting out a piece of cake to get the flavour without the calories. Uh-oh, eating disorder alert!!!
I have a notoriously bad memory, but on reflection I think I got dangerously close to anorexia when I was about 14. My periods stopped for about a year, and I was skipping lunch at school then telling my mum I wasn't hungry when I got home. I was never emaciated but I was tired all the time. I think it was triggered by worry over my exams. I first really started piling weight on at university, and after graduating, when I was a solid size 16. Then I lost weight in 2000, 2002 and 2006. I really hope that 2009 is the last time I have to do it.
- I never have stamps or tissues when I need them.
- I own more tshirts with silly pictures on them than the average 5 year old
- I get ridiculously scared when I watch scary movies on tv and have to check all the cupboards in case someone is hiding in them.
Also I always run out of contact lenses at inappropriate times. I'm currently reduced to one left lens, so I'm mostly wearing glasses, which is helpful when it's 33 degrees and you need to wear sunglasses. But I am suffering from myopia in more ways than one. I feel fatter than ever, which is patently not true. I guess I'm spending so much time thinking about it, I'm losing perspective. I've set myself a mini-goal - to lose 3 lbs in the next 2 weeks (before going on holiday). But I also need to remember to be kind to myself. I realised I was sliding into the realms of madness yesterday when I was chewing then spitting out a piece of cake to get the flavour without the calories. Uh-oh, eating disorder alert!!!
I have a notoriously bad memory, but on reflection I think I got dangerously close to anorexia when I was about 14. My periods stopped for about a year, and I was skipping lunch at school then telling my mum I wasn't hungry when I got home. I was never emaciated but I was tired all the time. I think it was triggered by worry over my exams. I first really started piling weight on at university, and after graduating, when I was a solid size 16. Then I lost weight in 2000, 2002 and 2006. I really hope that 2009 is the last time I have to do it.
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