Perspective

When I was at high school, I used to be able to see the train line to Glasgow (when I was on the fourth floor.) And I used to think - then my life will begin.

And then I went to university in Glasgow. And it was great, and I really loved learning about Milton and Spenser, and Shakespeare, and renaissance and romantic era poetry. But I was still a child.

And then I moved to Edinburgh, and I had a not very interesting job, but I learned about sharing a flat, and I learned to drive. And I thought, when I move to London, then my life will begin.

And then I moved to London. And I lost weight, and I gained it. And I lost it again, and I gained it. And now, for the third time, I've lost it again. I hope I've changed for good this time. And in the last 7 years I have changed in massive ways - in terms of moral values, confidence and general perspective on life. I am much more confident, but I still have no clue how my life will turn out. Ideally, I'd move to New York and have a fantastic time.

I think I'm an adult now. But maybe when I'm 40 I'll look back and think "Oh, I didn't know anything then." My mum tells me that sometimes she has nightmares where she wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks she's old. And then she realises that she is actually 60. (Even though she looks fabulous and looks about 45.) Apparently when I was 13 I said something that really resonated with my mum and which she quotes back to me when I'm being craptastic:

"This isn't a dress rehearsal. This is life."

So I'm ready for my close-up, Mr De Mille. I just need to decide what the storyline of the movie of my life is.