At the mercy of oestrogen.

I am not in charge of my life. My hormones are in charge of me. It's like an alien comes and sits on my shoulder and whispers poison in my ear. And I can't rationalise it. When I feel really low I can't accept that that isn't exactly how I deserve to feel.

I used to take the pill, primarily because I had terrible acne. And I had real lows - lows where you can't get out of bed, and are downright nasty to people you love. But now I know that wasn't me. I stopped taking it about 2 years ago and have been pretty much a different person. I still get spots, but quite frankly I'd rather have bad skin than a bad attitude.

But I still get sad, but whereas I used to inflict that on others, I just turn it on myself. But that's just as destructive.