One of 16

I went to see T do stand-up comedy last week, he is very brave and very funny, I can't imagine doing anything so nerve-wracking. (Although having said that I do love to heckle...) He said something that really resonated with me - that secretly most people think they are special or different in some way -when in fact we're all harbouring the same hopes and fears and are perfectly ordinary.

This hit home to me when I did the Myers-Briggs personality test at work. Under this typology there are 16 personality types. After doing the test I came out as an ESFJ, which means I am Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. There are lots of things I find fascinating about this. First of all where I work it is VERY uncommon to be SF. The vast majority of people are NT, which is iNtuition, Thinking. This perhaps explains why I get constructive criticism about being too emotional and passionate. I'm feeling and burning and they're being logical and vulcan. Hee hee!

There are lots of explanations of the type of person who is ESFJ. Here are a few which I closely identify with:

ESFJs are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the service they give to others.
Translation: I am needy!


ESFJs take very good care of their appearance. They always show good taste in clothes, making sure that everything is in harmony and that colours are perfectly matched. When choosing clothes ESFjs always rely on their own taste. They will not purchase a fashionable item if it is not compatible with their own physique. They always wear the right clothes for the occasion.
Translation: I have good taste in clothes!


ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others.
Translation: I am a good friend!

There are also downsides to this type that I also identify with:

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ESFJ's shadow may appear.
Example characteristics are:
Being very critical and finding fault with almost everything
Having a pessimistic view of the future
May be unable to correctly judge what really is for the best
May react too quickly and too emotionally in a situation better dealt with in a more pragmatic fashion.

I find it so interesting that this is all so accurate. And I don't think I'm falling into the horoscope trap of only reading my own category and finding it fits me. I've read the other 15 Myers-Briggs types and they're definitely much less like me.

The other thing to bear in mind about this analysis is that these are preferences. I can learn to act and react in different ways. And I definitely think over the last couple of years in particular I have learned to be more optimistic and less critical of both myself and others.

Kites and anchors

My friend N came up with a very interesting theory last night. Apparently successful women often look for men who are "kites" - who pull them higher by being amazingly funny or clever or successful, when in fact they'd be better off with "anchors" - men who ground them by being supportive and reliable. I definitely think I'm looking upwards for a kite, when apparently I should be "diving for pearls". (Shipbuilding by Elvis Costello is one of my favourite ever songs.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LNB6M7yTBo

The thing is, I love kites. Most of my friends are kites. I love being around people who are sparky and witty and funny. I did a Myers Briggs analysis which shows that I am an ESFJ, which means, amougst other things that "I may take affront at the aloof, detached nature of some people." Quiet people make me uneasy and angry, because I can't tell what they're thinking. I know I'm probably conflating anchors and quieter people, but for me they are synonymous.

Last night I said something incredibly, spectacularly stupid. (My excuse is that I'd been drinking a bit.) My friend N was talking about how painful her waxing had been, and said "I think it's because I'm a Jew." I looked puzzled and said "You're not Jewish." Of course what she'd actually said was "I think it's because I'm due (her period)." What a dickhead I am. That's almost as good as the time the Priest came to our school and started going on about "glorious mysteries" which is Catholic-speak for things which cannot be explained - like how the Virgin Mary got pregnant, or how people's souls get into heaven. So he asked us for examples of such glorious mysteries, and I piped up with "the mystery of whether there's a Loch Ness monster or not." It did not go down well.

Update: ElvisCostello was asked by Q magazine March 2008 if he still considered "Shipbuilding" to be the best lyrics that he'd ever written. He replied: "It's a pretty good lyric, yeah. The key line for me is, 'Diving for dear life, when we could be diving for pearls.' That we should be doing something beautiful, better than this. I wrote the lyric before the Belgrano (Argentinean Navy cruiser sunk by British forces during the 1982 Falklands conflict in controversial circumstances). I've been to see the monument, stood and read the names of all the men… well boys who died. Whatever you say about the conflict of war, that crime alone will see Thatcher in hell."