Food and goodbye.

I have been reading recipe books a lot recently. I think this is because having an alcohol-free January makes me hungrier. But I have been doing low-fat recipes, including maple and orange chicken, (which is much less disgusting than it sounds), and aubergine bake. Also, I made sweet potato wedges, which were DELICIOUS and a complete revelation.

The things about food is, it's so easy to slip into bad habits and make bad choices. That's why I find planning so important. Tomorrow I'm having cereal and blueberries for breakfast, and mackerel and savoury couscous for lunch. For dinner I'm having chicken, sweet potato wedges and curly kale. And fruit and yogurt for afters. How very wholesome.

Rather annoyingly, I have got terrible dark circles under my eyes, despite sleeping very well and not having any nights out. Just one of the many things which are sent to try us in this life. I am feeling rather philosophical tonight. I deleted my profile off the dating site, which made me feel very empowered.

When I started this blog, back in May 2009, my aim was to keep a record of the efforts I was making to change my life - most obviously to lose weight and get fitter. And I'd say im 90% close to where I want to be - just a few more pounds and I will fit into the slinky snakeskin dress I bought in the January sales! I was looking back at some of my older posts tonight - I've been variously stupid, kind, sad, numb, excited, chilled out, nervous, and happy, but I've always been honest. It's been fun, for the most part. But I think it's time to go offline. This decision has been prompted by the fact that a colleague at work knows about my blog, which makes me feel inhibited about what I post. And where's the fun in that?!

Thanks to those who have commented, I'll continue to read your blogs!

Cheerio!

GallusBesom. xxxxxx

Exciting times

So today I went and had a chat with the recruitment agency about the job I'd applied for. I chatted to the lady for about an hour. She said at the end that she'd been worried I might be a geek (going by my cv) but that actually I was really nice and bubbly. I tried hard not to be mortally offended. So anyway, she's putting me forward for a first interview. If I got the job it would be completely amazing, so I'll give it my best shot.

I saw T in the canteen today (I saw him before he saw me) so, really maturely, I made sure I was deep in conversation with a workmate so that I didn't have to speak to him. I forgot to blog that, out of the blue, he sent me a really nice text on New Year's Eve, wishing me a fulfilling 2010 and hoping to see me soon. Bizzare. I replied in kind with a nice message which made clear how much fun I was having. But I am adopting a non-interventionist policy. He's going to have to speak to me first as my fingers are well and truly burnt. I know this sounds a little (a lot) pathetic but nothing burns as much as being rejected, and I am a sensitive soul. Although not a geek. It's official.

PS I'm flattered that STA think I'd be suitable to blog for them, but unless they want a big push on crabbit pale people trying to avoid the sun, I think I'll pass.

Philistine

I went to the Tate modern today and did not look at any of the exhibitions. Instead, I bought a diet Pepsi and looked out of the window at St Paul's Cathedral. For two hours. Two hours of thinking is not really a good idea. It leads me to all sorts of dark places. I am not really in good spirits, and I can't quite figure out why, there's no reason for it.

I got an STA travel guide to Australia to start thinking about where to go when I get there, and I just could not get excited about it. Why, when I've spent 24 hours (or more) on a flight, would I want to spend the next three weeks doing even more travelling around different parts of the country? I don't like beaches, I don't like countryside and views, and I don't like having to make smalltalk with strangers. So methinks one of those organised tours is most definitely not the way to go. My favourite holidays are city breaks, where I can wander round museums and shops, and go to nice restaurants. I really really want to go to Prague, maybe I should take myself off there for the weekend soon.

Resolutions

1. I will shop at Aldis for staple food, and Waitrose for treats only.
2. I will stay off alcohol in January (apart from the Burns night ceilidh.)
3. I will go to the gym 3 times every week, minimum.
4. I will work on my pokerface (my my my pokerface, my my pokerface...)

Lots going on at the turn of this year. I am going for lunch at one of Marco Pierre White's restuarants tomorrow, then heading down to a cottage in Kent for a few days. Then it's Soozle's wedding on Sunday. I bought a new navy dress, sequined jacket and snakeskin and suede shoes. I have also got myself a hotel room so that I can stay over after the wedding.

I am very at peace with my decision to stop looking for a boyfriend. Somehow the pressure is off. I will be spending the next few days in timberland boots and a fleece. Sexy.

Blessings

Count your garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours, don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.

It's been a funny old day. I've cried quite a lot, over various things that basically boil down to me feeling inadequate. And that's just no good. I understand why - I'm ill, because I'm run down, because I run about all over the place meeting people and doing things. I have packed my case to go home tomorrow, and I've never wanted to see my family more.

But I am very blessed, because I am healthy, and I've improved my health and fitness a lot in the past 7 months. And I have a lot of lovely friends, who are kind and funny and cheer me up when I am down. And I have a good job, and a lot of fun with my colleagues.

I think 2010 is going to bring a lot of changes. I am looking for a new job, and if I get the one I've applied for, I might even be able to afford my own place. I'm also going to stop actively looking for a boyfriend, I think the universe is has been trying to tell me for a while now that I'm better off on my own.

Not well

I have been in bed for 17 hours. My body aches, as does my head, and my throat is sore. I don't have a temperature, which apparently rules out swine flu, but I think the chances of me making it to the hen night tonight are slim, which I'm really sad about.

My hair is greasy, but I can't summon up the strength to have a bath. I also have no appetite.

I have never made a good patient, I always feel very sorry for myself, particularly about the fact that there is no-one to look after me. I'm due to go home on Monday, so assuming I can make it onto the train, I'll be demanding a lot of tlc from my dear mum.

The problem with wearing your heart on your sleeve

is that it's easily bruised. T has been a bit of a shit, and now I feel like a dickhead. We didn't see each other at work on Friday, but I sent him a quick email, giving him my number and suggesting he call me at the weekend. I then got a text on Sunday night suggesting we go for coffee this week. Not exactly the response I was looking for. I can't believe that after he has flirted so much, he's now giving me the cold shoulder.

It's the office Christmas party tomorrow night. I will be wearing a short turquoise blue dress and very high platform shoes. I will knock his eye out, the rotter.

I think I must come across as too keen when I like someone.

Anyway, I have thrown myself back into exercise - went to the gym yesterday afternoon and tonight after work. 3 parties for the next three nights, plus Soozle's hen night on Saturday. Bring it on!